Tons of perfectly in-love people freely use each other and have otherwise “normal” relationships it’s just that there’s a built-in agreement that satisfying each other’s sexual urges on a whim is part of their overall intimacy and dynamic, whatever that means to them.īryce, for one, would love a free-use partner he actually has feelings for. That’s not to say that there aren’t plenty of romance-filled free-use relationships where emotions, seduction and big relationship feelings are involved. “On the other hand, when I do randomly have the impulse to have sex, it’s nice to just say to her, ‘Hey, I need you over here.’ It removes the social difficulties. “I like the fact that she can just freely drag me into things,” he tells me. That could just be because more people are discovering that their long-held desires have a name, but it could also have to do with the way the fetish quells the exhausting rigors of, you know, being alive.
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Vixen says at least 75 percent of the traffic she gets to her OnlyFans channel comes from r/freeuse, and in their sub’s “about” section, the mods mention that they’ve noticed more discussion and openness about the fetish recently.
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To wit, interest in free use does seem to be growing. “I think most people fantasize about there being no barrier to sex, or about being consensually used at-will, but it seems like it hasn’t really been widely discussed until now.” “I was really surprised to find out that there were free-use communities on Reddit and a bunch of porn about it,” he tells me. In fact, it wasn’t until last October that Vixen realized it was an actual fetish with a name, and although 32-year-old free-use lover Bryce has had fantasies like this all his life, it never occurred to him to input the words “free use” into a search bar - he’d just never heard the term. Unsurprisingly, this “take it when you want it” ethos of free use appeals to a lot of people (the r/freeuse subreddit, for example, has 701,000 members), yet few people know the fetish exists. There’s no having to deal with the awkwardness of the do-you-want-to-have-sex dance that people do. For both of them, this satisfies a “base need” or a “primal urge” that they can’t get in other types of relationships, and it’s one that prioritizes physical gratification above all else. Here’s how their dynamic works: If either of them should become horny at any time (which happens a lot), they can do a limited range of things to each other without having to ask, seduce each other or ease into it with foreplay. Lurk their profiles on Reddit or OnlyFans and you’ll see scores of videos of Vixen concentrating on Fable or Hades with KinkShame’s cock in her mouth, paying far more attention to the game than she is to him. Vixen and KinkShame use each other in equal measure, and they mostly stick to hand jobs, blow jobs and vaginal sex the majority of which they do while playing video games or waking up in the morning. But in others, free use is perfectly vanilla. In some cases, free use takes place within a BDSM dynamic, and will make use of kinkier things like bondage, sensory deprivation and even other people to enhance the fantasy. As many people in the free-use world point out, the term can mean almost anything so long as there are elements of easy access and the freedom to use or be used. Obviously, there are a million shades of grey in between. More often than not, the partner getting used doesn’t really react generally speaking, the fantasy is more about being a consensual object than an eager, thirsty partner. A third, more common iteration involves one person going about their daily business - cooking, cleaning, reading, texting, working and snoozing - as their partner has their way with them.
In more mild dynamics, the so-called “use” is private, monogamous and only in reference to a limited number of activities like vaginal sex or a.m. In more intense cases, one partner solely exists to be had sex with, and anyone can walk up to them, at any time, and do what they want, no holds barred (performance artist Milo Moiré’s “ Mirror Box ” is a prime example).